Extend

There’s a heat advisory for New York. You pack your bags and put on a thicker sweater, the air is lousy with fall, you’d take it as a sign but the universe doesn’t care enough even to toy with your emotions. An old lover writes from a nearby island, begging you to come over, it doesn’t mean anything you just always got along so well. You close your bags and go to bed. Tomorrow there’s a bus to an airplane to a whole other life (yours), you long for it so your heart aches and mostly you want to sleep for days. Did you find the answers you came here for? You never do. They wheel your father into the operating room with fewer answers than questions. He comes out with his heart beating again, and you have to tell your mother she does not need to go pick out kitchen tiles just today. She collapses at the permission. You think maybe everyone needs someone to hold them, sometimes, even when they look invincible from afar.

A year ago today I walked down Fourth Avenue, composing witty words to unknown ears, and a smile grew on my lips that did not wear off for months. If I had known then what I know now, would the words I drew sound any different? Would I have wrapped my heart a little more tightly before prying open my chest?

Everyone knows 
It’s going to hurt 
But at least 
We'll get hurt 
Trying 

No.