Navidad

I wake up in a haze; it takes a while to get my bearings, figure out where I am. That's been happening a lot, lately. I drink too much; I don't think it's why. More families are created and announced, again those expectant faces on the screen, even though the paradisiacal internet café will not allow for voices. Overwhelmed, it seems impossible to leave now, their children are my children. These people are the bricks that build my life. I am so intent on destroying it.

There's more drinks, more company, more convoluted conversation in the night and everything twists like a vise. The motion crushes everything in its path. There's a deep gash in my index finger, it bleeds all morning, it was a silly slip of the hand, didn't my sister say these knives were dull, I ramble.

It's too much.
We can't blame the snow
for our permafrost.