Tumble and Fall

Summer is divine in its unending sunlight and carefree nights. The days pass quickly, so quickly, and I jump at every occasion to celebrate, indulge, play. But at the back of my heart, the helpless girl who is me scrambles to keep up, to stay afloat when there isn't time to sink into the quicksand. I love the quicksand, I need to revel in it, to feel like myself.

It makes the moments of quiet solitude that much more unbearable. Knowing I haven't the time to fall, I keep myself occupied until the next party, the next event on the social calendar. I close the door and teeter on the edge, unable to commit to locking it completely, but unwilling to pass up the opportunity.

My doorbell rings. Unannounced visitors trip up the stairs and bring their sun-soaked joy into my dusty apartment. And I am glad to see them; I am glad to have them in my life. But my soul was just allowing itself to sink, and when they leave, the air is in a whirl. The words racing in my mind are too many; I try to release them into my journal but cannot get myself to do it properly, honestly.

I put away the books, turn off the music. It's time to get ready for the next party. I get in the shower, wash the grime off my eyes. Put on a smile. Brace myself for good times.