Past Lives

Maybe you are just at the beginning of it now, she says from her deadline on the West Coast. Maybe you are just now seeing the pieces more clearly so that you can begin to put them together and create the life you want to have. You stand precariously perched on a chair and a windowsill, stripping walls of shelves and curtains to prepare for the pristine white coats of paint to come. Wonder what you will put back up when all is said and done. I wish I'd known ten years ago what I know now, you hear yourself ramble, knowing full well that's not how any of this works. Dig where you stand, she says, you only have what you have. You count chickens until you lose track.

I lost so much in the fire. I forget to see that I won the flames.