The day is designed for strained conversations and rethinking all of that from which you came; instead I spend the day thinking of all to which I do not wish to go. This life is complicated, and sad, and full of longing, and really we are all just trying to do the best we can. People I love across the ocean find tickets to traverse an entire pandemic, somehow a little sprout of hope grows through the thickets of despondency. I turn the out of office message on my computer and close the lid, letting a morning of kitchen puttering clean out the torrents in my mind. With the cobwebs swept away, all that remains is emptiness and you think
Is this why I’ve kept it so messy in here?
It’s hard to see the great darkness
when it is so close
When it is so real
When it turns out it is
All you have left in the
Silence.
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