Tonopah

Somewhere in between the deep breaths it happens. Visions of clarity stream past my closed eyelids, speaking to me of years past, of selves past. They remind me of a time when my chest was built on sunlight, when my plans all lay in a future. When I wake, I thumb through old words for confirmation, and find them readily available. It has its ups and downs, I write, but if I didn't want it, I wouldn't put up with so much shit for it... Because when you get that one perfect phrase, find that moment of flow... Everything else falls away, becomes irrelevant. 

It makes severy single sorrow worth it.

It's easy to get swept up in the socially revered goals of a life and an age, easy to compare yourself to lives you never even asked to live. I have spent so many years consumed by loss, an easier focus than that of accomplishment. But all the right gifts walked into your life when you were not asking for them, when you were busy building ladders to the stars instead of waiting for them to fall down. If this year teaches us anything it is that we cannot control everything, in fact we can control almost nothing. Put one foot in front of the other. Be your own magic.

Lightning bugs cannot find each other 
in the dark.