Ayudame

Your moments in creative bliss are short now, like little bolts of light or flashes of color in the corner of your eye, by the time you reach out your arm to grab them they’re gone, slipping through your fingers. I wake early, tired, my eyes dull. Emotions float past the edges of my conscious, just enough for me to remember I’m not trying to touch them. I suppose there’ll be time. I sat in perfect stillness this morning watching my breath and all I could think was how many questions I still carry unanswered. It is hard then to rejoice in the ones solved. A calm voice spoke into my ears but I do not know her, how can I trust her peace? I sat on a stool across the river and told truths like shrugs, it is what it is and of course we’re all living through whatever the world throws at us. Most things, after all, are not Death, despite what they may seem from afar.

It’s just things used to look like flowers and rainbows and unicorns. And now it’s like I took off my glasses one day and haven’t been able to see anything at all since. Every day is a blur of shapes and sizes; nothing makes sense.

The voice in my ears told me to open my eyes. Said I had been cleansed and could greet the new day with open arms. I stumbled out, into the world. Held my arms wide, sure. But knowing it was only to catch my fall.