Wander

The church is dark, bathed in a purple glow; there's no telling if it's dusk or dawn. Mountain ash trees are in bloom at last. The lilacs cover the entire block in thick scents, they seep through the streets. I sneak into the park, scissors in my purse, and snip a few thick branches--quickly, but desperate to linger. My entire apartment smells of summer.

We stayed too long at the bar last night, always too long, I tried to leave before midnight but what pumpkin was there for me to turn into anyways so we had another round. When all the other patrons had left, he turned on the music we are all too ashamed to admit we love and we sang along without care. Walk fast and laugh recklessly, he said and we giggled at his insanity but made it part of our song, determined to make it a part of our days as well. The world spins so quickly and do you realize on Saturday I've been here two years? It doesn't take a Freudian to see the pattern. I have settled in just enough to have to go. Just one more move, I declare but life draws out a map of habit and I am powerless to escape it. My parents move into a new apartment and laugh at their own madness. What have we done? she says but I have no answer.

The alarm will ring soon, much too soon, as I writhe in insomnia. I have no use for these mornings, these days. I only want twilight, and warm summer nights, and lilac-scented dawns to welcome in the street. The view over the sunsetting city took anyone's breath away tonight, the waters seem warm and inviting. Today my parents have been married 38 years. My mother says It was the first exam I failed; all I could think of was him and blossoming cherry trees. The power of May will fell even the greatest cynic. No alarm in the world can scare a heart in bloom.