Reasons to Stay, Reasons to Go

A strange front rolled itself over the city last night. After a day of sunshine, of real true sunshine and blue skies and light steps, dark clouds boiled at the edges and turned the buildings inside out. We sat on a couch and considered growing bellies, crooked relationship patterns and inevitable futures, and I felt my heart sink into a dark pit at the bottom of my feet. She spoke to me at the bar, but I can't remember what was said and the lights were too bright to really look her in the eyes. I rode the bus home with demons at my side, they licked their fingers and made jokes at my expense while I tried composing sentences that made sense. It is only January, they will go away, this will all pass with the coming of Spring, one day you will smile again and mean it, it's only now I'm so tired, so tired. I lay trembling in bed, the body paralyzed by exhaustion but my head unable to sleep, and saw the labyrinth of life convulsing and contorting itself ahead of me. Another turn added, another obstacle, they are always the same. I slept, eventually, but by morning the blue skies had passed and no change had been wrought.

It's only now
I'm so tired.