En rêves

They've set the clock in the church bell tower right again. I had gotten used to its four minutes' eagerness. He writes and says perhaps I can stay another couple of months; I had just started to tremble at the ground giving way beneath me. I don't know how I got so lucky. This apartment breathes in my stead.

Last night in my dream, a body floated to the surface in the water. The ocean became a swimming pool. I knew all along, didn't I think it all along?, that this was just for show, it wasn't real, but I don't know now who the audience was. They want me to rescue her, I have to rescue her of course, even if it's fake, I thought, and looked around in hopes of assistance. None to be found. I forced myself to jump in the water. I know it's fake, I have to save her, why aren't they yelling cut? 

How long does it take for a body to rot? She was dark blue, I knew the skin would be spongy, sticky, dissolving into its watery surroundings.  How reluctant to reach out and touch her, how certain there was no other way. Finally heaving her up to the poolside. Knowing it was too late to save her, but again as convinced I could not escape putting my lips to hers. I have to know I did all I could, even if it was to no avail.

I don't know when the act became Real.