The Cave

Two days of solitude pass by, and I haven't seen a single person I know. The afternoon's quick stab to the corner store my first moment outside the apartment since Friday and I felt like a stranger among humans.

I thought I would enjoy the time alone, an entire apartment to myself, how long has it been? But I seem to lost my shape, trickle into puddles along the floor, I become aimless and pointless. Miss morning coffees and being held accountable. Busy myself with cleaning, scrubbing soft soap into unseen corners and remembering how much I love that feeling. Carry music in headphones and sing, sing, sing until I tire.

My sister tells me to take a few days off, finish that damn book already. I am so grateful for the time, I know this restless energy is the required precursor. I know I don't want to face those pages lying there in wait. This manic sprint is just another escape. The desire for happy music. Finally, for a second, I dare to peek into that black hole which I have so diligently avoided, knowing full well what lies therein and preferring denial for a bedfellow. I have a drink. I pace. Soon, soon, I will sit down.