Last Time

journal excerpt,
January 1, 2007

I have, now, left New York City...

I can feel in my heart that my body already misses it. Goddammit.

It rained as I packed up and cleaned out. The Empire State was nowhere to be seen in the fog, the City was tired and dreary. Then we got in the shuttle and the windows were covered, so I couldn't see the City as it zoomed passed. I felt disoriented and lost, in this city that was mine, knowing these were the last minutes I would see it and wanting to savor them but unable... It was as though it was no longer there. At least not for me. And I doubted I had ever really been there, at all.

But then, we took off, and through my airplane window I saw the City, so small suddenly, the Empire thin and fragile but red and green nonetheless. I saw the buildings glitter and the darkness that would be Central Park...

If what I wanted was closure, I've been left unsatisfied.
What I have now is an already overwhelming longing and a determination to make it back. Hold out, for me, New York. I'll see you soon again.