Bought

I hear it in his voice, in the melody of his Are you happy with that?, the answer that he isn't. I opened a door, and pushed back poverty for just a little while longer. My body exhales, the jaws I have held clenched for so long slowly soften their grip. Yet somewhere in the back of my ribs, a slow dark cloud meanders, echoing his doubts. As though this were not the preferred outcome. As though I should have amounted to more.

As though desparation should have garnered a more enlightened invention.

On my way home, I flounder, unsure what feeling to experience. Part elation, part concern. I decide that money, this necessary evil, will triumph today. I go to bed smiling.

New York kicks you when you are down. The trick is knowing when to kick back, and knowing when to simply grow a thicker skin. The end goal must always be simply to do whatever it takes to survive.