So I'll Stay

Confusion reigns surpreme on this trip. The highs and lows of my emotional rollercoaster rivaling even the neverending hills of the city I know like the blood in my veins. Such a long walk home, and how cold the wind that swept in while no one was looking. It cleared the clouds, and their bright cotton puffs were white against the Thursday night lights; I saw stars, the deep, dark blue behind them.

The social marathon continues. My mind barely gets enough peace to put words on your pages. Children grow in the gardens and make their way into my friends' lives. The comforts of home, the steady job, the incomprehension of my strange apparition. I get tempted to pack my bags, return to the homeland. I will get a proper job, an apartment of my own, and the rest will follow suit. I assimilate well, it will be no problem, I can put this whole insanity behind me.

But that cold walk home, New York music in my ears, a voice whispered you are mad to think it will be so easy. I always see the opportunity of the next step. This one always leaves me unsatisfied. I long for grimey subway tracks, for people made of stone when they walk home in the late night, for streets never sleeping and stoops that lead to a place where my keys fit.

Literally, too.