and Heaven, Too

I bit my lip today, again, again, I forget and it gets worse. Early in the evening, how happy we were, how long the night ahead. We spoke of our youth, remembered. I had forgotten what a bad friend I was, what a good friend you were. I never deserved all this love, and here we are, adults, I still feel the same.

We reached the roof top bar at the city's darkest hour, and with every drink you bought, dawn spread further over the city. It's not a Manhattan skyline, but it's home now. Somewhere, down there, by that church spire, is my apartment, my bed, at least for another night.

I'm sorry I was distant, I'm sorry my mind disappeared. I saw that pink light spread across the buildings, it got too much, too big, too overwhelming. I'm sorry I forgot to listen, to respond. By the time we parted ways, by the time I walked that long street home, it was so light, I had no darkness in which to hide, I felt so exposed.

My defenses begin to crumble, to give in. I remember, I become aware of where I am. It's not that I don't love you, it's just that my heart is in a million pieces, and only one lies here. Place your bets. Accept your losses. Life will still be here for you, in the morning.